Golf Tips for Elin Nordegren and Other Raging, Club-Wielding Celebrities

Posted by Robert

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Had enough of the whole Tiger scandal? Good, so have we. And that's why we're getting back to focusing on golf around here.

First up is a critique of Elin Nordegren's window-smashing swing mechanics. Then we'll put her in historical context by analyzing other celebrities who have taken out their rage in the same manner.

In the course of preparing this in-depth analysis, we were surprised to discover that...

Among celebrities driven to insane club-swinging rages, only Elin made the right club choice.

Enjoy the list, and be sure to check back for future updates. Elin certainly wasn't the first, and she surely won't be the last.


Catch a Tiger by His Toe


"Yoohoo, Tiger honey! Don't forget your sand wedge!"

It's my bet that Elin Nordegren is a huge Carrie Underwood fan. C'mon… Sing it with me (to the tune of Before He Cheats): "I Took a Nike wedge to both back shades of that pretty little souped up Escalade..."

It was in the wee hours of the night after Thanksgiving – Tiger Woods was involved in a car accident next to his home. He was driving erratically as if he was being chased. He ran over a fire hydrant and slammed into a tree.

Thank God for Elin who was already following closely, jogging behind clinching hubby's sand wedge in both hands and twirling it over her head. It's been reported that she may have been screaming and yelling at Tiger. No doubt Elin was yelling "TIGER, YOU FORGOT YOUR SAND WEDGE!"

Elin reportedly "helped free" Tiger from the crash. This just after the tree "helped" Tiger come to a stop. It took at least two mighty lashes from the petite ex-model and nanny. She busted out both back windows, the 1st one to give Tiger some fresh air, and the 2nd so that she could extricate him from the car (by his private parts).

Pro's Corner

As I've read in many of Tiger's books: Always warm up. Elin did some light jogging while twirling the club over her head to loosen up her upper body.

Equipment

Elin probably used a New Nike VR Sand Wedge, the same one that Tiger currently carries in his bag. With a D5 swing weight the club has a solid heavy feel but not too heavy that a petite nanny/model couldn't wield it wildly over her head and bust out a car window like it was champagne glass.


Something's Got To Give - Your Windshield


Only crazy people use 2-Irons

In 1994 actor Jack Nicholson had an altercation with another driver. The man cut off Jack in traffic. (UH OH, "You want the truth???! You can't handle the truth!") When the man stopped at a traffic light, Jack, who always keeps his golf clubs in his trunk – brandished a 2-iron and began beating the roof of the man's 1969 Mercedes. Then Jack focused his energy on the windshield until it shattered. Satisfied Jack got back into his car and sped away. Jack later settled out of court for $500,000

Pro's Corner

When beating the hell out of a stranger's car, use a club you don't use that often on the golf course. (Unlike Elin, Jack was using his own clubs.) Jack told Golf Digest "I reached into my trunk and specifically selected a club I never used on the course: my 2-iron." Good thing he didn't mistake that for one of the Honma Beres clubs he's rumored to own.

Equipment

Jack used a 2-iron but nobody really carries those any more. I would recommend a Hybrid Club anyway. Not only are they easier to hit on the golf course, but with the extra meat on the hybrid's club head you can take out a windshield with one swing.


Oh Bloody Hell, Not the Porsche 959!


Worth every penny?

Tiger's not the only ladies man on the PGA tour, and certainly not the only one with a "concerned partner." British Golfer Nick Faldo, six-time Major Champion and Former Ryder Cup Captain had his own exploits play out in the tabloids in 1995.

Brenna Cepelak — Nick's beautiful 20 year-old golf student girlfriend — attempted to free him from his beautiful Porsche 959 using a 9-iron. Strangely enough, Nick was NOT actually in the vehicle. She still did $10,000 worth of damage, though.

As it turns out, the Ryder Cup Romeo had started shagging a Swiss PR agent (pictured at right). Who can blame Brenna for being angry? How dare Nick leave Brenna after having left his 2nd wife for her?! Bullocks!

Pro's Corner

Nick Faldo has always emphasized using a pre-shot routine. You don't need the same sense of urgency when freeing somebody from an un-occupied vehicle as you do with one that actually contains a passenger. Thus, you might as well go through a pre-shot routine - just don't bang away mindlessly at the windshield and headlights. This will perfect your swing for when you have to free your next womanizing boyfriend from his car.

Equipment

Nick's girlfriend used a 9-iron or a wedge. Nick uses Mizuno wedges, so I'm inclined to recommend one of those beautiful new Mizuno MP series wedges. It has a Golf Pride Tour Velvet Grip that will not slip from your hands even after they become sweaty from hammering away on a sports car.


You Better Karaoke "I Will Survive" Or I'm Going "Tanya Harding" On Your ARSE!


"What, you've never played Karaoke to the death?"

Two chaps who play Soccer for the Liverpool Premiership, Craig Bellamy and John Arne Riise, had a go at each other when the shy Riise refused to rise and take the stage for some Karaoke. The two stood face to face shouting insults in the middle of a pub filled with their teammates.

One of them may or may not have been quoted shouting "I say, you wanker, take the stage at once and favour us with a lively rendition of 'Baby Got Back' or else I'll beat you up side the noggin' with my niblick!"

Sometime after 2am when all the players had retired to their flats, a wound up Craig Bellamy grabbed a golf club and went looking for John. When he found him, he began beating him about the legs, ala Tanya Harding vs. Nancy Kerrigan. Unlike Kerrigan, John was not severely injured and just suffered some bruising.

Pro's Corner

Swing easy, let the club do the work. Bashing a resistant "Karaoker" takes much less clubhead speed than freeing somebody from an SUV. Aim for the legs, as it will totally defeat the purpose if you catch your bashful friend in the mouth. Nobody wants to hear "Love Shack" sung from a man with no teeth.

Equipment

The report doesn't list what club Craig used, but I would recommend a driver for this type of shot. Intimidation is half the battle here, so pick a big headed monster like the PowerBilt Air Force One Men's Geometric Driver and I promise you your victim will be singing "Sweet Caroline" like he has been possessed by Neil Diamond.


A Picture's Worth a Thousand Words. Now Take a Picture of My 9-Iron!


"I will make divot on your face!"

Golf isn't the only sport with womanizing playboys. Tennis anyone? Croatian Tennis player Goran Ivanisevic is best known for being the only player to win the Men's singles title at Wimbledon as a wildcard. This couldn't suit Goran better as he's has a reputation for being a wildcard in general.

In February of 2008, after his live-in girlfriend threw him out of their flat for carrying on an affair with a Croatian Television Star, he was approached by a member of the Paparazzi snapping pictures. Bad idea, since Goran's temper rivals that of Jack Nicholson.

Ivanisevic — once quoted as saying "I still break rackets, but now I do it in a positive way" — produced a golf club and showed off his forehand to the intrusive reporter. After smashing the reporter's camera, Ivanisevic threatened "I will smash you and your car!"

Pro's Corner

Even if you are tennis player, make sure you grasp the golf club with both hands. Swinging around a golf club with one hand "willy-nilly" like an old lady swinging a broom at a cat is NOT intimidating and is embarrassing to everybody involved.

Equipment

We don't know exactly which club Ivanisevic used, but he's a tennis player so what does he know? I would recommend any of the Adam's Hybrids for the job. The big clubfaces remind me of a tennis racket.



Might want to think about adding a helmet to that getup

Free Yourself From Your Own Brain

Woody Austin is the Ivanisevic of the PGA Tour except Woody has one-up on the tennis bad boy. For all the tennis rackets Ivanisevic has broken, not once did he use his own head!

At the 1997 Verizon Heritage at Hilton Head, Woody lined up a putt of about 30 feet. Woody hit the putt about 15 feet. D'Oh! Woody became so enraged that he began beating himself with his own putter on top of his head – FIVE TIMES.

Woody's putter bent in half, but Woody's hard head was fine. We know this because, at no time since, has Woody ever come forward and publicly admitted any transgressions, thereby enraging his wife.

See below for the smashing in action.

Pro's Corner

I wouldn't advise trying this on your own golf course (or head). Remember Woody is a trained professional who has played the game of golf for many years. If you think that your game has evolved to this level, at least consult your club's head professional for tips on this dynamic move. Never under ANY circumstances try this move with your driver.

Equipment

Woody Austin uses a Scotty Cameron putter. This is a very expensive putter and I would discourage you from breaking one over your head. I do like the Odyssey White Hot XG 2-Ball SRT Lined Putter. This is a moderately priced two-ball style mallet putter. It's a fantastic putter for the money, but be sure to buy two of them.



6 Responses

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    [...] While on the Tiger story, don’t go thinking that Elin’s the first famous person to go nuts and use a golf club for violence.  Here’s a very descriptive take on others who have discovered the fun, non-boring uses for golf clubs.  <zipgolfer> [...]

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    [...] Elin’s alleged assault with a nine-iron inspired an SNL skit that brought both big laughs and some scorn.  Incidentally, golf club violence isn’t as rare as you might think [...]

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