Most golfers know that they take their lives into their hands every time they tee off. And many have died in the pursuit of the perfect round. But, while stories of catastrophe abound, a responsible golfer can learn invaluable lessons from those who have gone before.
Below find nine tales from the great Golf Course In the Sky, each followed by critical tidbits of advice for avoiding a similar fate.
Attack of the Giant Amphibious Reptiles
Alligators on the golf course can be extremely dangerous. Bruce Burger of Venice, FL found this out the hard way — he was pulled into a pond when an 11-foot alligator chomped on his right arm. Bruce was playing the 6th hole at Lake Venice Golf Course when he reached into the pond to retrieve his ball. He used his golf club to beat the alligator, which eventually let him go.
How to Avoid Being Eaten by an Alligator
Most people already know: ALLIGATORS LOVE MARSHMALLOWS! This is why they are drawn to your golf ball when it lands in the water. Make sure to carry plenty of marshmallows in your golf bag. I prefer the Jet Puffed brand because they are easy to throw, but any kind will work. (see figure 1, below)
Fig. 1: Show no fear. You have marshmallows.
Before getting too close to the edge of the bank, begin throwing marshmallows into the part of the lake as far from your golf ball as possible. If you are playing with a partner, make sure to work together. Have your partner throw marshmallows while you look for your lost golf ball.
Important Note: Do not try this on a crocodile. Crocodiles are immune to the lure of sugary treats.
Hold Mouth Closed
Alligators bite with force of 1200 lbs. per square inch, but they are very weak when it comes to opening their mouths. If an alligator attacks you while you are reaching into the water, simply wrestle him on to the shore, jab him in the eyes with whatever you can get your hands on, e.g. a green tool, a beer can, your nine iron, your thumb, etc.
When he releases his bite, immediately remove any articles of clothing, or appendages from his mouth and then try to maneuver yourself onto the alligator's back.
Important Note: If you are working with a partner, make sure your partner DOES NOT begin throwing marshmallows into the center of the lake while you are on top of the alligator.