US Open Predictions

Posted by Robert on Jun 10

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Predictions guaranteed to happen during the 2011 US Open next week:

--Wives worldwide will walk in the living room and ask their husbands “Is Tiger winning?”

-- Bubba Watson will drive the #8 354 yard par-4 by playing a 3-wood that hooks over the roof of The White House.

-- Phil Mickelson will ignore Bones and hit a 5-iron through an open window of a port-a-potty and then 3-putt from 4 feet.

--Some idiot will yell “Get in the hole!” for the trillionth time.

--Dustin Johnson will play every round (including practice) without ever grounding his club.

--When Phil takes the lead on Sunday, Tiger will throw his crutch at his 8000 inch 3D television.

--A 5 year-old boy will wonder off and be lost in the tall fescue grass for several tense days.

--While paired with Adam Scott, Martin Kaymer will mutter something in German to which Adam will aggressively reply “Are you talking about my long putter?!”

--Rory Sabbatini will get into a fist fight with Henrik Stenson’s caddy, Fanny, and get his butt kicked.

--Matt Kucher will ask a drunken man in the gallery to “stop calling me Kuch!”

--Lee Westwood and Luke Donald will laugh themselves silly when they order fish and chips at the Hooters when the waitress asks “Do you want fries with that?”

--Sergio will miss the cut and be found Saturday morning unconscious behind a strip club.

--Hunter Mahan will misplace his sunglasses during a practice round and his day with KJ Choi  gets real awkward when he shows up wearing an identical pair.

--Luke Donald will ace the #7th 173 par-3 (although he’ll be hitting a 3-wood into it).

--Jason Day will mutter under his breath to his caddy, “If Phil calls me ‘Mate’ one more time – I’m going to pop him.

--During Thursday’s and Friday’s telecast, ESPN’s Chris Burmen will prompt -mute buttons- across the globe to be simultaneously pressed.

--When Steve Stricker wins after an 18-hole playoff with Nick Watney, Tiger will breathe a sigh of relief that Phil didn’t win  (and order another 8000 inch 3D television).


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