Tiger Woods Returns to Golf – Kills a Volunteer

Posted by Robert on Aug 6

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Tiger Woods shanked his first drive and killed an 83-year-old volunteer on his first tee shot in over three months.

“I’m a little rusty,” Tiger muttered while signing a glove and leaving it near the body. He did manage to get it up and down for par, even though the volunteer cost him about a hundred yards.

Of course I’m joking, but you may have heard that Tiger is back this week. He and the 2011 Open Champion, Darren Clarke, teed it up at the WGC-Bridgestone Invitational in Ohio. Tiger is good friends with both Darren and Firestone (the golf course). He’s won here seven times, shredding the extremely tight layout and bringing it to its knees like it was one of his ex-employees.

Tiger comes here sans wife, sans Stevie, sans IMG, and sans most of the respect we had for him.

However, he has a cool pair of new shoes! Tiger’s sporting prototype footwear that was inspired by Nike’s Free line of running shoes. They have soft spikes, not metal ones like Tiger has worn his entire career. The shoes look more like something that Usain Bolt would wear, not a professional golfer. Perhaps they provide a little more movement and flexibility for his rebuilt knee and ailing Achilles. Or maybe they provide a quicker getaway when an ex-lover comes flying out of the gallery.

I expect Tiger will play well this weekend. I’m sure he is way more prepared than he is letting on. Firestone is Tiger’s Camp David and will accept him unconditionally. Check that -- conditional that he can keep it in the fairway and make a few putts. I wouldn’t be surprised to see him even make a run at the title. Regardless of his arrogant and egotistical behavior off the course, we haven’t seen the end of the Tiger era yet. And when he starts winning again, all will be forgiven and forgotten. Don’t believe me? I give you Michael Vick.

Tiger’s back and, like him or not, it’s good for our sport – just stand clear on the first few holes; he may be a little wild.

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