Han Solo Fires Chewbacca (and Helpful Book Title Suggestions)

Posted by Robert on Jul 22

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Tiger’s latest break-up came this week when he fired his long time (13 year) caddie, Steve Williams.  Awwwwwww, poor Stevie.  And after all he’s done for Tiger, at the very least, keeping his trap shut for the last few scandalous years.  The cement-tongued kiwi millionaire race car driver has not uttered a single negative word about Tiger (until now).  While everybody from Penthouse playmates to Perkins' waitresses have come forward to get their checks from TMZ and US Weekly, Stevie has been more loyal than Chewbacca.

I’m sure some of you skeptics are going to say that Stevie’s silence was motivated by the potential income still to be raked in.  And that’s a valid point.  If Stevie has just received a measly 5% (which is standard) from Tiger’s winnings ($94.7 mil.) then he would have nested a cool $4,736,433.  All that loot for saying, “40 front, 95 back, slight wind, pick a target, trust it.”

More likely, he stayed employed all these years for what he didn’t say.  You can’t tell me that Stevie wasn’t bursting at the seams to tell some war stories over the years.  But all along Stevie has kept his mind on his money and his money on his mind while laboring at the best job on the planet.  I’m not saying caddying is easy, but c’mon, Mark Calcavecchia has his wife on the bag (a tour trend sure to catch on in the wake of Tiger’s indiscretions).

And you should know typical Pro-Caddie relationships are usually short lived.  There’s an old caddy saying, “You aren’t a caddy until you are fired.”  Relationships like Watson and Edwards, or Mickelson and Bones (who has caddied for Phil since he started), are extremely rare. (That Phil is such a sweetheart.)

Case in point, you golf geeks out there may have noticed that Joe LaCava, Freddy Couples’ long time caddy, is now looping for Dustin Johnson. Poor Freddy has been laid up with a bad back; and as far as Johnson’s caddie, Bobby Brown, goes (no, not the hip hop singer), I’m not sure how he lasted this long after the huge gaffe the team made at last year’s PGA Championship when D.J. grounded his club in an invisible bunker – costing him two strokes and a spot in the playoff.

Stevie is simply the last loose end for Tiger to tie up professionally.  He already parted ways with his old coach Hank Haney, and left ING earlier this year.

Now it’s sour grapes for poor Chewbacca.  Stevie has said more in the past few days then he has in 13 years.  Making his rounds on television shows in New Zealand, Stevie said, “You could say I’ve wasted the last two years of my life.”  And today he hinted at possible salacious details in his future autobiography.

Oh man, was I happy to hear that, because I’ve got some suggestions for his book title!  How about:

Steve Williams – My Lips are Sealed (until now)

Steve Williams – Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hotel Room

Stevie Williams – Wingman for Life (or a book deal)

Steve Williams - Learn to Swing Like Tiger

Stevie Williams Voyeur – Witnessing The Tiger Slam

Steve Williams – Boogie Nights, On Tour with Dirk Tig-ler

Steve Williams Looper - Exact Measurements, Subtle Breaks, and Clean Balls

 

One Response

  1. This Week in Golf – July 24th, 2011 Says:

    [...] “You could say I’ve wasted the last two years of my life.” Stevie said on a New Zealand television program.  Stevie will now continue to caddy for Adam full time.  Read more about Stevie’s firing here. [...]

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