Predictions guaranteed to happen during the 2011 British Open next week at Royal St. George’s:
--Wives worldwide will wake up and irately ask “Really? You are getting up at 4AM to watch golf?!”
--Tiger Woods will sleep ‘til noon and then completely obliterate the field - on his X-Box.
--Tom Watson is the only ‘Watson’ that will make the cut.
--During dinner with Colin Montgomery the server will ask Phil Mickelson, “Would you and your mum fancy some pudding?”
--Bernard Langer will stroll out of the Marriott and accidently give his valet ticket to Ricky Fowler.
--After hooking it around a wind-mill, Bubba will ace the downwind 243 par-3 11th with his 9-iron
--Defending Champ Louis Oosthuizen will ask playing partner John Daly to “quit calling me ‘Oyster-Hosen!’”
--Rory Mcllroy, Graeme McDowell, and Darren Clarke will drink too many car-bombs and get arrested for streaking down the 444 yard par 4 1st.
--Phil will hit back-to-back tee shots out of bounds at the 547 yard par-5 14th.
--Unbeknownst to each other, J.B. Holmes and Bubba Watson will separately call down to the concierge and ask, “Where’s the nearest pub that has Big Buck Hunter?”
--Miguel Angel Jimenez will run out of conditioner and send out for baby oil and mayonnaise.
--Thankfully, “YOU- DA- MAN!!!” will not be screamed irritatingly after every tee shot. (Instead: “YOU-DA-BLOKE, AREN’T YOU?? JOLLY GOOD!”)
--Sergio Garcia and David Duval will share an awkward elevator ride at the Royal St. George Holiday Inn Express – and never make eye contact.
--While watching the ESPN coverage on DVR, Chris Berman will hit –MUTE- whenever Chris Berman speaks.
--Jason Day will win in a four- hole playoff with Dustin Johnson and Luke Donald after birdying the first two playoff holes.
